I just got done with a cry. Not one of loss but one of shame. I let an entire side of my family down and it jsut hit me how much that relaly bothers me.
My Mother in law asked me recently if I had gone to Heather’s grave recently. i admitted I have not been since we buried her. I had to explain that as of that day I would not be able to drive back for quite some time. My MIL told me something that made me feel quite ashamed of myself. She had been to Heather’s grave and found it in disrepair. My MIL has taken steps to get it rectified. I honestly was struck nearly silent at my inability to go there and all i could say was, “You are a stronger person than I”. Father’s are a strong bunch but sometimes what I have seen mothers do is also astounding. here was a woman not a year removed from loosing her daughter and had more fortitude to check on her daughter’s grave than I did. Needless to say I felt ashamed of myself. I was being honest as well I know that when i go and visit heather on her birthday I will be torn up for quite some time. I owe some people an apology and they will get it once I share this with them.
All i can say is I sincerely apologize that I was not the one properly tending the grave.