my thoughts right now

Well let me tell you, it sucks being a techie these days. The IT market
has either dried up or gone overseas it seems. I now have started my
own business but of course with it being a startup it is not paying the
bills. However because it is a consulting firm it is not costing us
much cash(fuel and mileage on the car is about it right now). My wife
has a job that is paying the bills but we have no wiggle room. We took
about 6 months off the job hunt for me to get the business stated. Now
I need to find a job to get some extra cash in until the business is a
bit more positive. Luckily as a consultant my overhead is almost zero..:)

Of course this means I am a Mr. Mom. To me this is backwards and nearly
intolerable from the standpoint I would rather my wife have the option
to stay home(which she would take if we could afford it) and me be the
one out working. However the time I get to spend with our daughter is
priceless and I would not redo things to change the past.

I go on cycles..sometimes I am at least resigned to this is how things
are..if not somewhat enthusiastic. Then there are times it just bothers
me to no end. This gets to be a vicious cycle as then i do not get
things done around the house and it drives my wife crazy.

What I have to do is simply fall on my knees and pray to God for help.
Me being a techie this is not the easiest thing for me to do. God has
always been faithful though and i know my Father will see me and my
family through this tough time. What i have been doing as well is to
make sure to pray for the victims of the tsunami and anyone else who
sincerely asks me to pray for them. I got such a uplifting of my spirit
when a fellow Brother in Christ came to me and asked me for prayer for
his pain. Honestly, it felt so good i want to do it more. I have a
hunger for helping others..I always have..but man with God on my side..I
can actually make a difference. Now I need to get over my biggest
fault..slothfulness. Lord help me. The Lord removed my smoking
addiction in a few minutes. This slothfull one is taking some work. Of
course there is a phrase I keep in mind during times like these..that
which does not kill you makes you stronger. The Lord just has me in the
refiners fire..I wonder how much more of an improved servant I can be
for him when this trial is all said and done.