I have been asked what I was feeling right after Heather died. The days immediately after her death I do not remember much. I literally slept nearly 24 hours the morning I somehow drove myself home and then collapsed on my bed with no concern about anything else. The next month is a blur as well. Over the intervening 24 months I still struggled with recalling my feelings..or if I had any. Now it’s just over two years from her death and I heard one song that describes how I felt pretty well.
I have also been asked after the obvious trauma that put me through, how have I moved forward? One name is all you need to know. Jesus Christ. I can tell you this…if I did not have my Jesus in my life I am not sure I would have been able to move forward in the timeframe I have. I still have my nights where I break down. There are some days I just fall apart. While I try to not let my girls see me lose control there are some days I cannot help it. The number of days I break down either in private or in eyesight of my girls are decreasing…but I am not sure it will ever cease. What I do know is that with Jesus at my side and as my guide I will make it through this life.
Karmina
All the Kings Horses
I knock the ice from my bones
Try not to feel the cold
Caught in the thought of that time
When everything was fine, everything was mine
Everything was fine, everything was mine
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
Run with my hands on my eyes
Blind, but I’m still alive
Free to go back on my own
But is it still a home when you’re all alone
Is it still a home when you’re all alone
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
There is a reason I’m still standing
I never knew if I’d be landing
And I will run fast, outlast
Everyone that said no…
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put me back together again